When your Home is Your Relatives' Storage Unit

How many of us have stuff that was given to us because it has sentimental value for "The Gifter"? 

When I got an apartment with some college friends, we were grateful to snatch up all kinds of donations and cast offs from family members. We had a couch from my Uncle in Law's wife, a bunk bed from my room-mates mother, a REAL kitchen table given by an aunt. It was even solid wood, not pressed board. We felt blessed! And we were. 

As I moved around from place to place, some of these items did not work in the new space, so they got re-gifted to people who would use them. 

About twelve years ago, I moved into a spacious home, and suddenly had a lot of room to store other people's things. Many items were given to me because they were sentimental to The Gifter, not to me. The Gifter gave me these items because I had room to store them, and The Gifter was attempting to de-clutter their own home. I went through a season where every time someone downsized or a distant relative died, a whole lot of housewares and knick knacks were sent my way. At first, it was great to have things to fill this nice new home with. But as my family worked to make the space our own, we found a lot of the stuff had to go. 

As hard as it was for me (a people pleaser), I had share my One Year Rule with each Gifter, adding that if they give it to me, and I couldn't use it then it would be donated. They had to be OK with that in order for me to accept the gift. 

If I did use something for a while and then did not need it at some point, I had to reach out to The Gifter and say, "Hey, remember your great Aunt Bessie's crystal ice bucket? I don't have a space for it anymore. I'm going to have to donate it.... unless you want it back?"  

This can be challenge for The Gifters- but boundaries with yourself and others are very important- especially when you are working to create a space you feel comfortable in. 

Your home will not feel like your own if it is filled with other people's things that hold no attachment for you personally. Your home needs to be a safe and comfortable space for YOU, not a place to store the cast offs of other people. 

When healthy boundaries are established, space is cleared for resting and recovering from the stressors of life.  It takes some elbow grease and emotional work, but freedom is worth the work. 

Always remember, there is HOPE! Take one step at a time. Take baby steps if necessary. Keep in mind your end goal.

Your home CAN be organized and functional, giving you a place to find rest and seize joy.